I’ve been working on a piece about revenge and I feel conflicted about it.
Why shouldn’t a wrongdoer be punished for their actions, especially when those actions are harmful but not bad enough to get legal involvement? Is there such a thing as ethical payback?
Of course context and degree of the transgression matter. Punishment can be a part of justice.
But who gets to do the punishing? A Divine interventionist? A judge in a courtroom? The victim? Their family/friends? And how far does the revenge go beyond the perpetrator? To their family? Their workplace? Until they’re shunned by everyone?
How do you know when the conditions of revenge or punishment have been satisfied so that you can move on with your life with a closed wound?
HELP!
What’s your experience of payback?
And, do you think ethical payback is possible?
DISCUSS.
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THE O.M. said some wise things that totally resonated with me that I'll share here:
"The only thing that is of any consequence at the end of the day, is how anyone decides to react to their said right or wrong situation. So whether you call it 'revenge' versus 'payback' or 'karma' it comes down to; "For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction" -newton's 3rd law. Think before re:acting. Being vengeful defines you not the other person."
Oct 6, 2022·edited Oct 6, 2022Liked by Nathalie Martinek PhD
I was also thinking about this topic on Yom Kippur!
The desire for revenge is a symptom of unforgiveness (the blame game!).
Forgiveness is the act of cancelling relational debts. "You don't owe me anymore." This is little more than deciding that the past will no longer pollute one's present. It is not "letting them off the hook," because justice is between them and God (Proverbs 20:22)
Most of the time, the angry person is the only one who carries around the burden of wrath.
Now for the cliché: “Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”
Here's one of my favorite resources on this topic:
This universe has balance.. in other words you get back what you put out. You do wrong by people, you will pay in the long run. Someone does me wrong, while the desire to see them pay is both strong and immediate - it comes from weakness. A loss of control, the feeling of being a victim, and wanting to seize back control are all strong, but specious desires, not to mention bottomless pits. Better to let go, move on & let the universe handle it IMO.
I can't remember who said the best revenge was to live well, or maybe I made it up, but I have found that moving on and finding another team, who are the polar opposite of the old, toxic team, is the best revenge. I may not be seeing the impact on my bullies, but I am living my best life, without a backward thought to them. I can't even be bothered to join them at a gathering next week, to show them I have recovered. Life is too short. Why would I go back when I can stay where I am wanted and I belong?
The question is, why do we feel the need for revenge? To achieve closure? To feel good about ourselves? I have achieved both of those by moving on. All I have now for my bullies is mild pity that they needed to be so twisted and nasty to achieve their aims. A sense of fulfillment and peace is the best revenge.
I've been struggling with this issue for several years after therapist abuse. And finding that this behavior is her business model that is a mixture of: Life coaching, classic therapy and underground psychedelic facilitating designed to create strong transference and financial taking.
THE O.M. said some wise things that totally resonated with me that I'll share here:
"The only thing that is of any consequence at the end of the day, is how anyone decides to react to their said right or wrong situation. So whether you call it 'revenge' versus 'payback' or 'karma' it comes down to; "For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction" -newton's 3rd law. Think before re:acting. Being vengeful defines you not the other person."
Food for thought
I was also thinking about this topic on Yom Kippur!
The desire for revenge is a symptom of unforgiveness (the blame game!).
Forgiveness is the act of cancelling relational debts. "You don't owe me anymore." This is little more than deciding that the past will no longer pollute one's present. It is not "letting them off the hook," because justice is between them and God (Proverbs 20:22)
Most of the time, the angry person is the only one who carries around the burden of wrath.
Now for the cliché: “Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”
Here's one of my favorite resources on this topic:
https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B487M8KEkpHZbDBWSVAwYTctZW8/view?usp=sharing&resourcekey=0-nWIbugPSebp585j7I2HXrw
transcript:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/12XalDQ236SJH8EnWVEWR-Lqf_yTR_9mHJt3OnSBky1Y/edit?usp=sharing
cheers!
This universe has balance.. in other words you get back what you put out. You do wrong by people, you will pay in the long run. Someone does me wrong, while the desire to see them pay is both strong and immediate - it comes from weakness. A loss of control, the feeling of being a victim, and wanting to seize back control are all strong, but specious desires, not to mention bottomless pits. Better to let go, move on & let the universe handle it IMO.
I can't remember who said the best revenge was to live well, or maybe I made it up, but I have found that moving on and finding another team, who are the polar opposite of the old, toxic team, is the best revenge. I may not be seeing the impact on my bullies, but I am living my best life, without a backward thought to them. I can't even be bothered to join them at a gathering next week, to show them I have recovered. Life is too short. Why would I go back when I can stay where I am wanted and I belong?
The question is, why do we feel the need for revenge? To achieve closure? To feel good about ourselves? I have achieved both of those by moving on. All I have now for my bullies is mild pity that they needed to be so twisted and nasty to achieve their aims. A sense of fulfillment and peace is the best revenge.
I've been struggling with this issue for several years after therapist abuse. And finding that this behavior is her business model that is a mixture of: Life coaching, classic therapy and underground psychedelic facilitating designed to create strong transference and financial taking.
My wife started intensely studying “K-dramas” so I will ask her. So funny that you mentioned this niche popular media