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May 15, 2023Liked by Nathalie Martinek PhD

Social justice can become extremely paternalistic and condescending. It becomes largely about the privileged person proving to the world that they are 'one of the good ones'. Rather reminds me of humanitarian advertising campaigns where companies spend exponentially more on advertising their good deed than on the good deed itself. I've had this experience with several white people, with the additional caveat that whatever support they provide must be accepted without question. Actually asking for what I needed or even suggesting that what they were providing was not helpful was always grounds for a massive fight, thus underlining that the support they were giving was about them, and making themselves feel good and not about really supporting marginalised communities. The message that I wish privileged people would understand is that as privileged people in various circumstances, we have been given more of a resource than is fair. That extra bit of resource isn't ours to begin with. It never was. Our responsibility as holders of these resources is fair redistribution. Again, that is our responsibility. This is not about doing anyone a favour because they are your pet of the week, but about acting responsibly and redistributing what was never yours to begin with. Most privileged people behaving as if they are doing marginalised people a favour is where the narcissism shows.

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May 15, 2023Liked by Nathalie Martinek PhD

I've just written up a piece which, I think, overlaps a bit with the themes of narcissism you're asking about.

https://rudolphrigger.substack.com/p/riggers-ramblings

My writing style is a bit caustic and sometimes "over the top" and I can definitely be accused of 'other' group vilification - so I can be off-putting. But it all arises from a deep frustration, and sometimes anger, at the path we seem to be walking. It's a road to hell paved with do-gooder intentions.

My observation is that we've moved from a 'model' in which some degree of personal responsibility was expected, to one in which largely 'external' things make one feel in a certain way, or cause some alleged harm.

This can be typified by things like the claim that a workplace environment is "unsafe" because someone said something that disagreed with a particular ideological viewpoint, or when a university offers counselling to students who may have suffered 'trauma' from attending a lecture.

This undue focus on external factors being responsible for your suffering, anxieties, and feelings is not at all healthy I think.

Lots of people have talked about the 'infantilization' of society - and I think that's kind of true. People are being encouraged to display the 'narcissism' (and often the behaviours) of a child. After all, the primary focus of a child is upon themselves and how they feel, and results in tantrums when they don't get their own way.

The calls for censorship and the rise of 'cancel culture' are nothing more than the equivalent of sticking one's fingers in one's ears and loudly going "nah, nah, nah".

As adults we learn that delayed gratification is often beneficial - but this has been derided as "whiteness". Another example of the move towards more childish behaviours and desires and thinking.

The 'woke' practice a kind of selective empathy in which only those espousing the 'acceptable' ideology are worthy of it.

It is frustrating, it does make me angry, but perhaps most of all it makes me sad to see how we've managed to get to this extraordinary place.

We're better than this, or ought to be. I just feel we need to let the adults back into the room at times!

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Here's what is unspoken, processing is the product. That's what makes it narcissistic. Their efforts are about them, no one else. There is no prioritization on the material needs of the 'other'. Their collective lives do not need to change, because what's important is the 'social justice warrior' self-concept and control over others.

It's about the "social justice warrior" believing that the act of talking about it, doing research, going on 'listening tours', and calling out others is the work. And the folks they are doing their work on behalf of should be satisfied with being noticed by them. Any actions that may materially change the lives of those that they are fighting on behalf of go into the future faking category.

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I’d like to see a new kind of social justice activist emerge who values persuasion and empathy over performative demonizing.

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I am bothered by how fundamentalist social justice gets. I am also bothered by how everything is called narcissism and trauma.

So with those cats out of the bag I think to answer your questions it depends on the activist.

Without writing an unduly long response I will say that we seem to struggle with holding complexity, allowing for emergence, and exploring power and oppression with nuance. I call it "who or what to blame" ovrrsimplification.

Sinner vs. Saint

Perpetrator vs. Victim

Your savior triangle even

To me they over simplify.

I started listening to people on sidewalks 8 years ago trying to find answers. I am finding growing our capacity to not know and the inability to listen openly more starts early. So our activism reflects that.

A colleague just did her dissertation on the Hero's Journey myth and how it pervades our psyche. Andrea Marie Brown's Holding Change takes up these questions well.

What I do know as a white gal...my work right now is to listen. I am allergic to white activists.

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May 16, 2023Liked by Nathalie Martinek PhD

Thank you for letting us share our thoughts with you, Dr. Nathalie. So, I have to be honest, this is a painful subject for me. I used to be part of this organisation and the industry, and I left, because of exactly what you mentioned: prevalent narcissistic behaviours. There's this unspoken belief that I think many people have when it comes to social/environmental change, where they secretly (or not so secretly) think they are better than everyone else. They know better ways of doing things (e.g. recycle, be more conscious and aware of what you buy, etc.) and other people do not know these things and ultimately they feel that they know best. It isn't really about the "team" or the people involved, or the work they do, or even the impact/issue, but more about their image/reputation (oh look at me, I'm doing so much good in the world, I need to be seen as a good person).

I personally think it's very ego-driven. It's always "you are bad, I am good" or "if you're not for the cause, you are against it" or "if you're not part of the solution, you are the problem." In my experience, I don't see many people creating change with empathy and kindness, where there isn't this dichotomous mindset involved. There's a lot of judgement, so, of course, people don't feel safe to talk about it. So, I can understand why we feel wary when it comes to discussing these things. People will make mistakes. And because judgement is involved, naturally, people rather not say anything out of fear. No one wants to be judged or shamed. Change takes time, social issues are complex, and there needs to be more patience and understanding, time invested in having conversations, as opposed to "this is why I am right, and you're wrong."

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Drive.

One of the Narcissist superpower's is Drive, or being "driven to achieve something".

So, when a strongly driven person achieves something through sheer force of will:

If for themselves, is evil.

If for others, is good.

But the "for others" is also about themselves, the others are just there for the ride. So is it good? or not good?

Apply this to social justice, and you can see how a good cause can be corrupted, if it gets run by a strongly motivated and driven leader to achieve a result that is in their best interest, and the cause is a means to an end.

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