No, just no. Anyone who who celebrated the Hamas massacre, or even echoed Hamas propaganda that this war is “Israel vs Palestinian Civilians” or demanded a ceasefire that keeps the terror infrastructure of Hamas intact while forgetting to mention Hamas by name isn’t taking a ‘politics’ side. They are calling for the massacre of my family and friends, and supporting the genocide of my people. Those people, in polite terms, can fuck off. I am done talking to them and our interpersonal relationship is done.
I agree with you. 'Friends' who can't empathise, offer love, support and care to their Jewish friends AND choose to empathise more with terrorists are not compatible with friendship. Some friendships will need to come to an abrupt end (especially when they expose their allegiance to sadistic psychopaths) and there are options for ending relationships peacefully or with vitriol.
If you are Jewish and you find people you thought are friends are antiSemitic you may want to puke and not be their friends. Just saying. From a proud Zionist.
Yes, I've had that experience and we are no longer friends. They were vile and probably still are. The point I'm trying to make in the piece is friendship endings don't need to be hostile, at least not from your end. The other person can be as monstrous as they like and that's the last impression they left behind that they can never undo. It's not the war that ended the friendship - it's their hatred towards Jews that did.
Nov 1, 2023·edited Nov 1, 2023Liked by Nathalie Martinek PhD
As a military family member you get to a point where you simply must let go of a false sense of control within war. Wars are chaos. You placed a fine point to external joiners to remind us of what we don't control. It's very very hard for certain people to accept that truth, but it goes well and good once you do.
Wars are also not about any one person. So it's not personal and will not really be about us, even if it ruins our lives.
Thank you for sharing this, Dr. Nathalie. After reading your article and the comments, I’m saddened that you had to go through what you went through. Experiencing friendship endings in this way must be devastating. The amount of grief.
I’ve been very reluctant to voice how I feel about this situation because I’ve heard and seen so much criticism, judgement, and shame and feel an incredible amount of pressure that you need to voice your opinion clearly and publicly and that if your stance is not specifically X, then you’re on the wrong side.
Thanks Penny for your thoughts. I probably should elaborate on what I mean by staying connected to friends when they are morally unclear. I'm not referring to trying to connect with randos online or on public transport when you hear their position. I'm referring to existing friends that you trust but who are neither Jewish nor Palestinian, who are also bombarded and manipulated by propaganda and have formed opinions based on what's chic and will keep them 'safe'. These friends are going to spout bullshit as facts as they sit in their own moral ambiguity. I can see through their nonsense and tell them that I care for them but that where they're at in their understanding of the situation is going to create tension between us because they're aligning with a group who wants me and my family dead after another group successfully wiped out most of my family. I can remind them that I know they care more about my wellbeing than those they don't know in a far away land, and that there might be additional things they can do to alleviate the distress that doesn't create an ethical dilemma between us or cause harm. If this doesn't get through to them, then I would take my space from them and let them know why but that I'm open to reconnecting if/when they ever arrive at a different place where our values realign. This is what I mean by connecting with them but not endorsing harmful views.
No, just no. Anyone who who celebrated the Hamas massacre, or even echoed Hamas propaganda that this war is “Israel vs Palestinian Civilians” or demanded a ceasefire that keeps the terror infrastructure of Hamas intact while forgetting to mention Hamas by name isn’t taking a ‘politics’ side. They are calling for the massacre of my family and friends, and supporting the genocide of my people. Those people, in polite terms, can fuck off. I am done talking to them and our interpersonal relationship is done.
I agree with you. 'Friends' who can't empathise, offer love, support and care to their Jewish friends AND choose to empathise more with terrorists are not compatible with friendship. Some friendships will need to come to an abrupt end (especially when they expose their allegiance to sadistic psychopaths) and there are options for ending relationships peacefully or with vitriol.
If you are Jewish and you find people you thought are friends are antiSemitic you may want to puke and not be their friends. Just saying. From a proud Zionist.
Yes, I've had that experience and we are no longer friends. They were vile and probably still are. The point I'm trying to make in the piece is friendship endings don't need to be hostile, at least not from your end. The other person can be as monstrous as they like and that's the last impression they left behind that they can never undo. It's not the war that ended the friendship - it's their hatred towards Jews that did.
Am yisrael chai!
As a military family member you get to a point where you simply must let go of a false sense of control within war. Wars are chaos. You placed a fine point to external joiners to remind us of what we don't control. It's very very hard for certain people to accept that truth, but it goes well and good once you do.
Wars are also not about any one person. So it's not personal and will not really be about us, even if it ruins our lives.
Love this Sheila. Thank you for your wisdom and for inspiring this piece!
EVEN IF IT RUINS US!!😆
Thank you for sharing this, Dr. Nathalie. After reading your article and the comments, I’m saddened that you had to go through what you went through. Experiencing friendship endings in this way must be devastating. The amount of grief.
I’ve been very reluctant to voice how I feel about this situation because I’ve heard and seen so much criticism, judgement, and shame and feel an incredible amount of pressure that you need to voice your opinion clearly and publicly and that if your stance is not specifically X, then you’re on the wrong side.
Thanks Penny for your thoughts. I probably should elaborate on what I mean by staying connected to friends when they are morally unclear. I'm not referring to trying to connect with randos online or on public transport when you hear their position. I'm referring to existing friends that you trust but who are neither Jewish nor Palestinian, who are also bombarded and manipulated by propaganda and have formed opinions based on what's chic and will keep them 'safe'. These friends are going to spout bullshit as facts as they sit in their own moral ambiguity. I can see through their nonsense and tell them that I care for them but that where they're at in their understanding of the situation is going to create tension between us because they're aligning with a group who wants me and my family dead after another group successfully wiped out most of my family. I can remind them that I know they care more about my wellbeing than those they don't know in a far away land, and that there might be additional things they can do to alleviate the distress that doesn't create an ethical dilemma between us or cause harm. If this doesn't get through to them, then I would take my space from them and let them know why but that I'm open to reconnecting if/when they ever arrive at a different place where our values realign. This is what I mean by connecting with them but not endorsing harmful views.